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By Muna Zaqsaw
I Am fond of pens and papers, downloading thoughts.
An individual who just remembered her passion to make this place a better one to live in, to speak up, to share lessons learnt and to become a better version of herself.
I was 16 years old when the news of the passing of our mathematics teacher was passed to us. It was sudden and we were all shocked. I cried-of course- and later in the day I was so angry that I started to hit bathroom doors while screaming.
These were thoughts roaming in my head recently, while thinking about how I was dealing with my grief now for losing a very precious person this time… my father.
Anger was the highlight of my grief, until this moment. Since last year, lots of anger has come up to the surface, however, no one could tell, except for those close to me maybe.
Anger, this time, came across as calm from the outside, and a volcanic rage from the inside. I could not express it or even realize I was going through anger until recently when these memories came back to me. I’m not saying I want to break doors,
I recall I had a lot of it when I was a child, I remember my loud reactions to any life event. When I get emotional I would shout, scream, sob, simply make a scene, bring it all out. I was and still am a very sensitive individual, family and friends called me a “Drama Queen” many many times. Always regretting it afterwards.
Still, I am wondering, where did all my anger go out of a sudden?
Now, I realised that all the way down the line, I have been taming my anger. I have been taming my anger in a way that I have even lost and forgot I have ever had it.
Let me tell you why, because without anger, I lost my ability to speak up for others, which I love to do. I lost my identity, for the lack of ability to express my views clearly, my values, what I love to have and what I don’t appreciate receiving. I could not set boundaries. Basically, without anger, I am still who I am, only within, but not without.
Anger is your alarm, manage it, work with it, but do not lose it. If you keep taming a raging horse it will lose its power; you need its energy and you need all of its strength, aim to manage it not to control it. Treat your anger with equal scale.
Anger is your sign that something out there is not right, something is against your values. Do not ignore it, listen to it, give it time, know how to express it and thank it later.
You need this alarming system to be active, you need it to show up again, so show hospitality to keep it coming, don’t ignore your angry feelings, do not go with the flow. I know it is quieter, it is easier, it is more peaceful, but it is NOT right for you and you.
This is a comfort zone I have been in for so long, without me noticing. I am grateful today that I realised it sooner rather than later, working on it so hard, but with determination, because it has been so hard to suppress it for this lon. It did not burst, yet, and I don’t want it to and that’s why I am choosing to work with my anger and not against it.
Science has proven that anger triggers an area of your brain which is in charge of switching on the fight or flight mode that kept mankind alive until this day, and then decisions made afterwards are the responsibility of a different section of your brain.
When you feel anger, be open with your communication with others, revisit your relationships, and see what is out of balance in your surroundings, let your anger be your reminder to evaluate where you are and decide what you need to balance.
In a nutshell, anger is good for your survival and for your growth.
And remember, every human is a unique being. Embrace all your feelings, the good and the bad, and all the stages of your life journey. Listen to your body, mind and soul, have an identity, grow with it, but never lose it.
Another human being,
Muna
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